For a long time, you realized that you were gay, you lived through the acceptance process, and you took steps to walk out of the closet with your surroundings. And now, when you live without hiding, you meet someone you like. With whom Build relationships. However, someone is still in the closet. In fact, he was dating in the closet.
Everything is negotiable; everything can be changed at any time. However, if you don't realize the problems, it is impossible to continue moving in the right direction.
Therefore, if your boyfriend is still in the closet and hurting you, please write down the next thing.
How far is it in the closet?
First, assess the distance of your boy in the closet. In other words, you may be the only person in the world who knows that he is gay. Or, on the contrary, he goes out for the purpose of friends rather than family and work. Another option is to be the only person in your work environment who does not show yourself as a visible homosexual.
Your degree in the closet is decisive, and your intention to change this situation is also important. Or he knows this is temporary and is looking for a way not to hide his sexual orientation. In the latter case, your posture can assist in this process.
How does your situation affect you?
This brings us an important point: you need to determine his influence on you in the closet. It is important to understand the suffering he caused you.
- Will he introduce you to everyone as if you were a friend?
- Do you avoid walking alone on the street?
- Is it forbidden to show affection outside the bedroom?
- He will ask you not to wear certain clothes?
- Does he prohibit you from sharing photos with him on social networks?
- Does he lose face whenever he wants to meet your gay friends?
- He flirts with the girl, so he doesn't have to talk?
- Or is he even related to a woman at the same time? I mean, did he have an official girlfriend when he let you hide in the dark?
If any of these things happen, you should be aware that you are in an unbalanced, unhealthy relationship. In this case, you are receiving treatment you shouldn't get, and you are succumbing. In short, it is a relationship that does not love oneself.
Dating in the closet: how to make a decision
Before making a decision, please answer the following 5 points to analyze the situation:
How long have you been with this man?
You may not remember at the time, but not everything is as simple and natural as it is now. You may have been showing up and reiterating that you are gay. How long has he been with the man? One or two years? Maybe in the process of acceptance and visibility. In this case, you may only need time.
How old are you?
This data is added to the previous one. The older he is, the higher his visibility. Because not only must he show his sexual orientation, but he must also break the notion that everyone has been heterosexual for many years.
A man doesn't want to come out of the closet less than a teenage boy. He may be afraid to listen to those close to him: "But what if you have always been a heterosexual, and now suddenly, you are gay?"
Has he made progress in the past few months?
Maybe he is focused on what you cannot do. Let him eat with your parents. Not only in gay friendly communities, but everywhere should go hand in hand. Pay attention to the way forward.
In these months, has he told his best friend or brother or sister? Or, already shaking hands with gay friendly sites? Is he joking or is he joking than before? This shows that the situation is changing.
Why did you not leave the closet?
If his reason is illogical, such as "It's not good"Or "I will never leave the closet because it is embarrassing. "You find it difficult to solve by yourself. You will have to wait for their thinking to develop towards integration. Or consider ending the conceptually undervalued relationship.
If his reason is "This will cost me money," "I'm afraid of being rejected," "I do not know what to do", you only need time. And see that nothing happened because he received excellent feedback from people who know it. In this case: patience.
Does this issue affect your self-esteem or identity?
In any case, leaving the closet mainly involves his ego. Therefore, try to influence him as little as possible. Don't be obsessed. Lead by example, if your life is visible and normal, please be patient and encourage him to take some small steps. Now you can do all for her.
If this problem affects you too much, then you should make a decision. It is recommended that you speed up certain progress, keep your distance or quit. Imposing standards and asking him to leave the closet immediately is not the best approach: it may put him under too much pressure and cause the relationship to deteriorate.
After answering these questions, you have enough data to decide what to do.
Is it enough to compensate you for continuing to date in the closet? Magnificent. Remember, it is best to be patient and left-handed. Cheer up!
If nothing has changed, if you have been a friend of your family for many years, you need to check whether this situation is reducing your Self-esteem or your dignity.
If the answer is no, if you think it will help you, you can still continue to fight for this relationship. If the answer is yes, and this situation is starting to hurt you, then maybe it's time to say goodbye.
This decision is yours alone, but remember when making a decision: if you don’t love and respect yourself, no one will last forever.